All is not Well that ends Well.

I just ended my first programming assignment - the first one in almost 8 years now. This process was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. Exhilarating because it involved newness, self-learning, and collaboration. Terrifying because it consisted of steep learning curve, working with really smart people, and my high-level ignorance. More than the technical learnings, this first assignment provided a much needed reality check or mirror to my conditions. Despite a successful (hopefully) submission of assignment, I can't shake away the feeling that I am leap years behind everyone. Here, I feel like how I was in 2012 when I was struggling to learn english language, waking up in middle of night, cramming oxford dictionary, thinking I will become master of spoken and written english. Now again, I am learning new vocabulary with the same feeling of being behind-the-pack. I was thinking about how long it will take to reach a level where I can write decent long articles on my subject(the way i judge my own competency). I know I can produce endless long essays on administration, public policy, and other politico-socio-economic affairs without any reference whatsoever. But I can't write an elementary level article on anything related to the field of computer science. I know the way to reach that level and the relates personal traits, but the first three weeks has raised important concerns regarding my commitment towards goal. In quest to integrate into this new world, I have swayed away from my own attitude and values, disrupting a lifestyle that sustained me for seven years and then brought me here. No wonder my closest friend started redflagging my actions and warned me multiple times about my shifting priorities in the span of first fortnight I was here. The last one week(especially the last four days) represents a contrasting picture from what I did in first 10 days I was here. I can say that what has been witnessed till now was just a warm up session (if we can call it that). Things will become more complex and demanding with every passing hour. A feeble attitude in face of challanging times will sunk you deep into abyss from where you will not get another opportunity. Already, you are here after your expiry date. More than your technical weaknesses, it will be the loss of attitude that will hamper your progress. The changes that I have to make are pretty obvious: devote maximum of your time to your self-training in subjects, surround yourself with positively spirited & supportive people, reinforce a do-it-yourself attitude, but, don't shy away from asking questions when stuck, and be of some productive use to others in work-related stuff. I should be thankful for where I am today and what I am engaged with. Thankful also for support i get from family and friends (Both of them were instrumental in learning about yesterday's project!). Thankful for the variety of experiences i have collected all these years while playing different roles. For the opportunities that have kept knocking my doors even as I slept away. For tapping these opportunities, I'll have to chalk out my own way, for the standard route may not suit my conditions. I am in for a long haul before things will start improving. But for the improvement to happen, I need to persistently educate myself. And only when that happen can I say to myself that 'All is Well'.